If you haven't read this you might not understand this post.
Sorry...I just don't have it in me to go over it again.
Last week "getting back to normal" just wasn't happening.
How do you "get back to normal" after a loss anyway? It's never really "normal" again. Because "normal" was what it was when they were here with us.
He wasn't a part of my daily life but I knew him, I spent time with him, he stayed in my home. For me it won't be a daily routine change like it is for my best friend and her family. But there are several ways that his passing has changed my life forever.
It has made me question so many things. Why are we so far away from home? What possessed us to live this life? Why do we think we don't need to be close to our family and friends? What REALLY matters in life?
I could go on and on with the questions. But there are also the realities of life after the funeral is over.
I have been to many funerals in my life. Some when I was really too young for it to have a major affect on my life. I went to some to support family. Some were uncles or aunts that were older and were ready to go. But I've never gone to a funeral and really...I mean REALLY thought about the life of that family after the funeral...until now.
You know what I'm talking about...we've all been to a funeral and then left and gone out to lunch or supper going on about our lives not really thinking too much about the person that is gone or the family that is grieving.
This past week I have not been able to stop thinking about them. Especially my best friend. Her day to day is completely different and always will be.
I don't mean to say that she will never be happy again. I know she will and she knows she will. And I think she is at peace that he is in heaven with so many other loving family members. It's just the void that he has left behind that it difficult to get past.
There is also the affect it has had on my own thoughts aside from the questions. The thoughts of not wanting to go through this anytime soon with my own daddy or daddy-in-law. They are both so very special to me. I know they will go one day but it's not time yet...at least I don't want it to be time yet. I don't want to start grieving something that hasn't happened but the thoughts are there.
Not to mention the thoughts of how easily your life can change forever in the blink of an eye.
Or how much you learn from seeing how supportive others have been of my friend through this. People have brought food, plates, silverware, napkins, paper towels, toilet paper, trash bags, the list goes on and on. You wouldn't really think of needing some of those things but when you have a house full of people you go through some toilet paper pretty quick. Then you think...it's beautiful to see this but it's so very sad that it is having to be done.
And how about really facing the fact that Farm Boy and I need to get a will together. It's just not something that crosses your mind regularly. But it has to be done to make it easier for our children and family. Having a will is more important than I ever thought about it being.
I could go on and on. But the subject remains...lives were changed when he went to heaven. And I guess what we need to be looking for is a new normal. Because the old normal will never be normal again.
Still kinda sad,
P.S. I'm sorry this is such a sad subject today. I will find my new normal soon...surely.
- ▼ March (6)