The Craziness That is Me...Megan

Frequently moving perfectionist often driven to Crazyville by moving, motherhood, and...myself. Lover of music, homemade things, and Oklahoma.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

My Not-So-Secret...Secret

If you know me personally this isn't going to be big news to you.  But I've been a little reluctant to share it here.

Mainly because I didn't want it to take over my blog and I don't want y'all to get sick and tired of hearing it.  And I don't want my feelings on the matter to offend anyone.

But I sorta feel like it can't be hidden any longer.  And after all...this is my blog.  And I can do what I want on my own dang blog.  Right?  RIGHT!

Okay...so here goes...

I do not like living in Maryland.  Like...at all.

Now...having said that I must say...every trip that I have ever made into Washington D.C. to site see has been great!  We have had no problems.  I have enjoyed every minute of seeing all the wonderful things there are to see out here and I truly feel that we have barely touched the tip of the ice berg.

But living here...living here is a whole other breed of cattle.

We are used to living in wide open spaces with lots of roads and highways to get to where we need to go.  That's not so much the way things are here. 

We are used to living in single family homes with at least a driveway but also a garage.  Here we are in a townhouse with no yard, no driveway, and no garage.

We are used to be able to go where we want when we want.  Here you plan your life around rush hour and you don't necessarily go anywhere that is more than about 15 miles away for fear of being caught in horrific traffic for hours on end simply because someone is changing a flat tire on the side of the road.

There are a multitude of reasons and now that I have gotten this off my chest I feel a little more at ease about sharing them with you in the future.  As my need to bang my head against the wall arises.

Farm Boy feels much the same way I do about the area although he LOVES his job which has made it easier for him I believe.  I am truly grateful for that.

But for me...living here and finding happiness here has been one of the most challenging times of my life.

I've been working really, really hard to find happiness here.  Maybe not doing the types of things some people think I should and maybe not working as hard as some people think I should work.  But trust me when I say...I have been doing what I feel I can do and trying as hard as I feel that I can try.

I'm trying to keep in mind that this is only a season and that it will not last forever.  And this one thought alone has been what has kept me moving forward.

But in the last couple of weeks I feel like I'm losing the battle which is a really weird feeling to have because how can I lose it?  What does losing it mean?  I have no idea. 

I'm telling you all of this because a) I feel like I have a million things to say about this and I need to get them off my chest b) I am not feeling very funny these days and c) I'm not really feeling much like myself at all.  I guess you could say that I'm having some issues with the "D" word and I'm kinda, sorta, hoping that if I am able to exercise the un-happiness demons here on my blog, it will help me feel better.

Of course I don't know that it will help and it may just make things worse. 

In that sad case, you will find me sitting in traffic with a crying toddler, somewhere in Maryland, screaming at the top of this country girl's lungs!!!

Feeling a little optimistic,
Megan

P.S.  To the awesome people that live here and love it...please don't be offended.  There are a lot of neat things about this area and I have loved learning about them.  But for this Oklahoma girl...living here is like biting off a bit more than I can chew.

4 comments:

  1. I bet his post was hard to write and I applaud you! I hate that stupid D word! Hang in there...this too shall pass. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Moving is tough. I hope it gets better for you, but I can see that adjusting from OK to Maryland would be a huge adjustment. Hang in there!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Rose...It was kinda hard to write. Sometimes its hard for me to put my feelings out there like that for the world to see. You are right...it will pass and hopefully I can learn to enjoy the moments that we have here.

    Comfortablydomestic...thanks so much for the comment and encouragement! This move has been the biggest adjustment of my life. But maybe one day I'll get it figured out. :-)

    Thanks for stopping by!

    Megan

    ReplyDelete
  4. I think I found your site through Marriage Confessions, and just want to encourage you...I recently moved to MD (with a baby) and I understand how you feel, in terms of adjusting. It's SO hard. Do you have a contact email? I am trying, like you, to bloom where I am planted in a very unfamiliar place. (I'm from CA but went to school in TX, so I kinda know the culture of the South and what a change it is here on the East Coast.

    ReplyDelete

Followers