The Craziness That is Me...Megan

Frequently moving perfectionist often driven to Crazyville by moving, motherhood, and...myself. Lover of music, homemade things, and Oklahoma.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

I'm Tired of Making Decisions

I decided yesterday that I am tired of making decisions. 

I'm completely exhausted from it.

I know that sounds ridiculous but it is what it is and I feel what I feel people.

The decisions that I am mostly tired of making are of the mom related sort.  Ya know like...her lips are turning blue.  Is that serious?  Or is it some fluke thing?  Should I call the doctor? Should I blow it off?  Should I just keep an eye on her for a little bit or do something now?

Or how bout...she's been screaming for an hour over story time being over.  That is completely not normal for her.  Is she sick?  Is it teething?  Should I give her Motrin?  Is she in pain somewhere?  Should I be hardcore and put her in her bed with nothing?  Should I give her what she is asking for...a blanket, paci, and "mama rock a minute"? 

These decisions all seem so monumental to me.  I don't want to blow off something that could be significant.  But I don't want to overreact either.  I don't want to give in to a tantrum...if that's what it is...and give her what she wants therefore creating a monster.  But I'm not sure it is a tantrum and maybe she needs a little help to calm down because this behavior is totally not like her to begin with. 

Something feels off but what the heck is it?

Motherhood is the hardest job I've ever had in my life. 

Yes...it is wonderful at times.  Like when she hugs me and kisses me and wants me to hold her.  Or when she sings a new song that she has learned.  Or she starts doing something new that I taught her. 

But at other times it scares the dookie out of me.  I'm so, so scared I'm going to make the wrong decision.  Or miss something very important. 

All of my friends and family tell me that I am a good mom and I believe them.  But sometimes I'm just flat worn out from it.  Emotionally, physically, and mentally.

WORN OUT!!

P.S.  I'm sure that part of this all stems from finding out about her heart murmur and the recent 911 episode and then yesterday morning she acted a little weird on me again.  I called the doctor and tomorrow morning we are going for some blood work.  The doctor said it could possibly be a blood sugar thing but is usually rare with toddlers.  We'll see what happens I guess. 

3 comments:

  1. sending positive thoughts your way!

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  2. I'm stopping by from Marriage Confessions and enjoying cruising around your site. I just wanted to encourage you to hug and snuggle your little one. If ever in doubt err on the side of the snuggles, a couple of days of this will certainly not spoil her to the point of no return. Also, follow your instincts regarding her health. I realize that the tests are normal so far, but trust yourself to know if you should keep searching for answers. Of course all of this is complicated by the fact that the terrible twos are upon you. My first little angel turned into a monster for a while, but it eventually passes.

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