I decided yesterday that I am tired of making decisions.
I'm completely exhausted from it.
I know that sounds ridiculous but it is what it is and I feel what I feel people.
The decisions that I am mostly tired of making are of the mom related sort. Ya know like...her lips are turning blue. Is that serious? Or is it some fluke thing? Should I call the doctor? Should I blow it off? Should I just keep an eye on her for a little bit or do something now?
Or how bout...she's been screaming for an hour over story time being over. That is completely not normal for her. Is she sick? Is it teething? Should I give her Motrin? Is she in pain somewhere? Should I be hardcore and put her in her bed with nothing? Should I give her what she is asking for...a blanket, paci, and "mama rock a minute"?
These decisions all seem so monumental to me. I don't want to blow off something that could be significant. But I don't want to overreact either. I don't want to give in to a tantrum...if that's what it is...and give her what she wants therefore creating a monster. But I'm not sure it is a tantrum and maybe she needs a little help to calm down because this behavior is totally not like her to begin with.
Something feels off but what the heck is it?
Motherhood is the hardest job I've ever had in my life.
Yes...it is wonderful at times. Like when she hugs me and kisses me and wants me to hold her. Or when she sings a new song that she has learned. Or she starts doing something new that I taught her.
But at other times it scares the dookie out of me. I'm so, so scared I'm going to make the wrong decision. Or miss something very important.
All of my friends and family tell me that I am a good mom and I believe them. But sometimes I'm just flat worn out from it. Emotionally, physically, and mentally.
P.S. I'm sure that part of this all stems from finding out about her heart murmur and the recent 911 episode and then yesterday morning she acted a little weird on me again. I called the doctor and tomorrow morning we are going for some blood work. The doctor said it could possibly be a blood sugar thing but is usually rare with toddlers. We'll see what happens I guess.
- Back to the Prairie
- I Take It Back...Mostly
- A Collection of Thoughts
- My Most Recent Trip To Crazyville
- Lots of Prayers and One Murmur-Be-Gone Dance
- A Bad Case of the Drama
- The Valley of the Shadow of Teething
- So That You Can Fully Understand Me
- I'm Tired of Making Decisions
- How It Came To Be...My Farmer Boy and Me - Part 2
- Trying to Right a Wrong
- The Trouble With Family Pictures
- Must Have Baby Stuff - Part 1 - The Magical Seahor...
- It's a Love/Hate Relationship
- I'll Have an Order of "Get Me The Heck Outta Here"...
- ▼ July (16)