The Craziness That is Me...Megan

Frequently moving perfectionist often driven to Crazyville by moving, motherhood, and...myself. Lover of music, homemade things, and Oklahoma.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Expectations

What in the crap are "expectations" really?

And whose "expectations" really matter?

I find myself day in and day out thinking that I SHOULD do this or I SHOULD do that.

When really...aren't those just crummy expectations that I am trying to live up to? 

Who put them there? 

Why do I think that THAT is the way things SHOULD be when I feel something completely different?

And what about that dang "should" word anyway? 

Who the hell made THOSE rules?  And why the crap do I feel the need to live by them? 

And just because I am now realizing that all the "expectations" and "shoulds" are crap...it doesn't make it a whole lot easier to bat them away from my mind like a pesky fly.  It's hard...really hard. 

Time and time again I go back to...But I SHOULD blah, blah, blah. 

Why?

Who said so? 

I don't know...it's just the way it SHOULD be.

It's a cycle...a vicious freakin cycle!

And what it all boils down to is this...do you have the guts to stop the cycle?  To stand up and say...no...that's not the way I want things to be?  That's not what I think is best for my child?  I want better for her...more for her...different for her.  No matter what the cost?

Sometimes I don't know if I have the guts.  Sometimes I'm scared to try and have the guts.  Sometimes I fear what having the guts might cause.

But...she has been entrusted to me, she is my responsibility and I have to do the very best that I can do for her...regardless of how difficult it may be.

Sore muscles, aching back, hurt feelings...I'm the mommy and it's my job. 

But I have to say...these things in my life that I am working to change have got to be the biggest mountains I've ever had to climb.

Thankfully I have my Farmer Boy behind me backing me up.

P.S.  Apparently I am one tormented soul tonight.  Good grief...someone...get me an adult beverage stat! 

Tomorrow I'll throw some really deep home improvement projects or must have baby items at ya!  Whew...that's gonna be one bumpy ride!

2 comments:

  1. I pray tomorrow will be better for you! As long as you are doing your best taking care of Q-Tip (which I know you are) and farm boy is behind you go for it! You are an amazing person inside and out. You are stronger than you even know. Love you!

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  2. Should, should, should...it's a nasty little word, isn't it? I think being more aware of "should-itis" will help you go a loooong way in curing it :-)

    LYMI

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