I don't know about y'all...but I have a serious problem accepting me the way I am. I can't just say...it's okay...I'm me and its okay.
I am all the time hitting myself over the head with things like...
Why can't I be one of those mom's that pops the kid out and is back in their size 4's? Even after their 3rd kid! I'm gonna have to work my ass off...literally...to get into my fat jeans from BEFORE I got pregnant. Not even my normal jeans that I love and miss so dearly.
Why can't I be one of those mom's that pops the kid out and goes shopping at the mall the next week? Let's just say the first SIX...count em...1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 weeks of being a mommy are a total fog in my mind. I had breastfeeding issues and all but still...I could barely hold my head up!
Why can't I be one of those mom's that has 3 kids and even a semi-clean house? Even after 17 months...I can hardly keep the laundry pile from becoming Mt. Everest much less get it all put away. And we won't even mention the dust that is so devilishly piling up on my furniture.
And how bout the mom's that do all of that...clean, take care of kids, go shopping at the mall regularly...looking like a million bucks?! People...the only time I don't have a ball cap on and only half my make-up done is when we are going to church. Well that is almost the only time. Sometimes I get fixed up to go to places like MOPS but that is only once a month. Farm Boy says he doesn't care. He's not really into the details. But ya know...sometimes I care. I wish I had the energy and unlimited hours in the day to fix myself up and look 100%...all the time.
But above all...I wish I could find the balance of wife, mommy, and me. I'm such an all or nothing type girl. I've always given my all to whatever I am doing but for some reason...when I added mommy into the mix...I just can't get it together! I can't for the life of me keep holding on to ME when I'm being wife and mommy as well.
But ya know...it really just pisses me off that I can't just be okay with it and say...this is who I am.
I'm not completely organized. I run late...sometimes...okay a lot these days. I'm tired...A LOT. I didn't feel like shopping or traveling or doing anything for quite a long time after I had Q-Tip. My body is all sorts of crazy right now. My house isn't spotless...ever. And I'm STILL figuring out the whole mommyhood thing.
I know it's probably that perfectionist b-word inside me that makes me feel like I'm never gonna figure it all out much less do it well. I really hate her!
She's such a...b-word.
P.S. I'm participating in Mama Kat's Writers Workshop today and I chose the prompt...What are you mad at yourself about? This was #1 on the LIST.
- A Few Important Announcements
- A List A Mile Long...and My Quest for One Coke a D...
- How Can It Be?
- Hells Bells
- Why Can't I Be Like That?
- The Time Has Come...For Dental Hygiene
- My Near Fatal Heart Attack
- Bright Shiny Spots
- Hot Diggity Dog!!
- Oh Crap!
- What The Heck To Do I Wear NOW?
- A Stirred Memory
- Where Do I Come From?
- My Favorite For Today...
- Spring Has Sprung
- Sometimes...I Wish I Were Amish
- PMS is Hell
- Easter Baskets and Non-Compliant Q-Tips
- Q-Tip the Collector
- K is for Kite
- ▼ April (21)